Last week was my first week back to work after having a not long enough year off after the birth of our newest addition to the family - Baby G. The last few mornings I have risen in a fog of confusion, pondering how, as I shovel in cheerios and wipe boogies all in the same swipe, is it possible that my baby is already a year old? Oh and how in the name of sweet Jesus???!!, is it possible that I need to hurry up and get him cleaned and dressed so that I can drop him off at a daycare provider while I march back to the working world???? Don't get me wrong, I totally love sipping coffee and having normal conversations with normal people about just how beautiful their eyebrows look, and "holy wow your highlights are almost the exact same color as Julia Roberts!" but normally I can't even go grocery shopping without thinking about my boys and I just don't know how I am managing these 8 hour days acting all calm/cool/collected about this whole daycare provider bullshit when really it's eating the heart out of me.
Let's face it, anyone who is a mother will agree with me that nobody can parent, or take care of your children the way you can. Nobody will be good enough, or love your child as much as you. I know I feel this way, and although I did not have that mother and child bond with my oldest child - Big T (who is 5 and just the most coolest Kindergarten kid in his school) due to some really screwed up postpartum depression (another story another day) I have it now for both of my boys, and stronger than ever!
My biggest problem I think, is that I am completely aware of how fast these few years of my babies life will go and how NOT ready I am to have my baby grow up and start peeing in the potty, naming colors, and sleeping in his own bed. I don't want to feed him eggs or peanuts, or watch him take his second set of steps after I pick him up from daycare! I want to stay home and persue my dream of being a professional photographer and raise my family being the best mom possible.
Let's face it, anyone who is a mother will agree with me that nobody can parent, or take care of your children the way you can. Nobody will be good enough, or love your child as much as you. I know I feel this way, and although I did not have that mother and child bond with my oldest child - Big T (who is 5 and just the most coolest Kindergarten kid in his school) due to some really screwed up postpartum depression (another story another day) I have it now for both of my boys, and stronger than ever!
My biggest problem I think, is that I am completely aware of how fast these few years of my babies life will go and how NOT ready I am to have my baby grow up and start peeing in the potty, naming colors, and sleeping in his own bed. I don't want to feed him eggs or peanuts, or watch him take his second set of steps after I pick him up from daycare! I want to stay home and persue my dream of being a professional photographer and raise my family being the best mom possible.
I have a plan, and its going to take about a year to work out that will - and I am definate about this, let me purse my dream but in the meantime if you have any life suggestions about coping with seperation anxiety (on my part - not baby Gs) would be most appreciated.
